See what I did there? And yes, this is a blog article about leggings-kind of.
Recently, I made a post to Instagram that I didn’t think would have an impact on me or any of my followers. Let’s be honest, most of my followers are men and don’t necessarily care for fashion posts, health posts, or any posts really that don’t have to do with my backside. That’s just social media! (And I do have some awesome male followers and clients-so I’m not male bashing, I promise!)
The post I made, well, I was tooting my own horn! I was unapologetically me. I didn’t think about anything except that I had put on a pair of leggings that I haven’t worn in a long time. These leggings just started to be uncomfortable and show things I wasn’t happy about and they basically reminded me that I had fallen off the fitness wagon! I gained weight and the leggings were punished (obviously) to lay forgotten and discarded in the back of my drawer.
One back up on laundry later though…and I needed some leggings! I grabbed them, and again, thought I’d squeeze them on and take them right off and get rid of them for good. Ladies, and some of you guys, know what I’m talking about. Why keep clothes that make you feel bad about yourself? Marie Kondo-remember?? If it doesn’t spark joy-GTFO! And wouldn’t you know it, I put them on and they actually fit. I was shocked at first but, then I also knew that I had worked really hard this past month and a half to get back on the horse and I was ecstatic!
Naturally, I posted on Instagram that I was just happy these suckers fit and stated that 2-3 months ago I had gained weight and struggled a bit with my fitness. I didn’t have a clever caption or a booty shot-I was just so happy that I had to write about the small win that was these once tight leggings. I wrote about going back to the basics with everything I ever knew about fitness and started over. Again to my shock, it got a ton of likes, (I’m fully clothed and got over a thousand likes!) and it received over a dozen comments. Comments that hit home in the feels, it was other women telling me they felt that way too and could relate, and to keep up the hard work! (Those are some boss-ass babes too! Love my tribe!)
I really did have start over, and it was hard. I recently decided to become mainly plant based in my diet, I eat 3 meals a day because its what I can manage (I was at 5-6) and I workout consistently-if I miss a day, I don’t beat myself up and that was a MAJOR change/challenge for me. Women commented/messaged me, that it made them feel better knowing that someone on ‘your level of fitness’ struggled and that it didn’t make them feel so ashamed or guilty.
I wanted to cry reading those words. Guilty and Shame.
People! You do not have to feel guilty for taking care of yourself, for figuring ‘it’ out, for not working out, for not having a squat booty…the list goes on and on. We are all humans, and I can tell you that life happens and it does so on its own terms.
Back story: Life didn’t care that I wanted to go pro and had a show in a month’s time last January. My body had tanked, and family, career and figuring ‘it’ out had to happen. Let’s just say, I didn’t need any help finding the way to the Struggle Bus stop.
There is a balance to fitness that I think some people either ignore or some just forget. I would’ve told you that I forgot, but if I’m being honest-I was ignoring. I was fighting myself (image issues, self-worth issues, etc.), I was struggling in personal relationships and I was struggling trying to find my career path. I turned to the gym for an escape, and I loved bodybuilding because of the routine and control. No matter how hard I lifted or how many trophies I won, my problems caught up with me! Not one by one either-it was like a tidal wave of issues/problems breaking through a dam!
Therapy, doctor appointments and a few pounds later-I was finding balance and trying to return to fitness. 3 months ago, I hated the gym and hated working out (not like me at all). I was busy and didn’t want to give up my new routine. I was enjoying my life without the fitness aspect which had consumed my life for a long time. Now, I felt like a stranger in my body and when I tried to head to the gym, I was plagued with negative thoughts. I felt judged and out of place in a place I used to call a second home-ouch. I also felt pressure to be a fitness idol like my Instagram page said I was! It took some time; the first three weeks felt like pulling teeth but I went back to the basics and set small goals to hit each week. Soon I was back at it and seeing progress!
I’m now in a much better place mentally to be Fitness Funsized again. I am so happy that my honesty and transparency made the impact that it did to the few women that really needed it. I know I was there and I understand it-a person of my ‘fitness level’ lacked motivation!
I can say now that it changed my perspective and it changed the message I want to spread on social media. I want you guys to know I struggle and that I had to start over! That I’m not perfect, I don’t have a perfect diet or even a perfect training program but all I can do is my best and that’s what you should be doing too. Small steps to becoming a better you each day.
My friend shared a quote with me today: “It’s not about the idea, it’s about the execution.” I loved it; it lit my fire and I hope that it lights yours! And I hope that in sharing my past struggles, you don’t feel alone, but feel empowered to start becoming a better you, for you ;).
Never any artful bullshit and forever yours,
Jess
The Year of the Introvert 